I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
