I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
