Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
