My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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