you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
