Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
