I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
