i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
