I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
