She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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