I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
