Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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