I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
