yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
