Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
