He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
