he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
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