just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
