i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
