we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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