she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Randomize
