You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
