i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I am available for nakedness
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
