Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
