It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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