I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
