We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
