I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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