come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
