Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
