I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
