I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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