She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize