I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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