i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
