don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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