the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
