Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Randomize
