Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
