Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
