hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
