are you so shy because you have an std?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
