you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
