Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize