Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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