i wish semen tasted like chocolate
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm too high and old for this...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
