he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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