Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
