She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
