Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
