how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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