i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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