Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Two words: blizzard sex
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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