Do you still have your period?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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