Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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