No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize