WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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