just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
