How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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