So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
