sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
