The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
