she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
