Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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