Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
thus making me awesome and them whores
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize