what if every blade of grass was a penis?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
