Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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