The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
