I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
