i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
