I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i wish my penis had a tongue
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize