Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I miss vodka workout Fridays
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
