I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
