I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
