obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize