i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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