I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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