Can Purell be used as lube?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
4 words: hood of his car
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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