I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize