I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
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