just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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