My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
