I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Actions speak louder than pants.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
