hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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