You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
