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• (212): View more from New York

  K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  wait... oh

  Fav 9 3717 1200

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?

  Fav 13 4159 1047

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• (845): View more from New York

  u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap

  Fav 36 5432 1224

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.

  Fav 20 1480 4449

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• (310): View more from California

  based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment

  Fav 31 1757 12446

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.

  Fav 37 4996 1495

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• (516): View more from New York

  Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on

  (917): View more from New York City

  Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.

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• (435): View more from Utah

  For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job

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• (646): View more from New York

  Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom

  (347): View more from New York

  I can't even drink.

  (646): View more from New York

  The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.

  Fav 10 2270 961

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day

  Fav 1 947 556

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• (337): View more from Louisiana

  Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.

  Fav 4 495 607

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  I need to get some goddam control over my hormones

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!

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