sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
