Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i think i have two assholes
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
