Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
