You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
