So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
