You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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