I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Sorry about my life...
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
