just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
