so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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