I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
